As The People-Pleaser, you are here to step into your full self-leadership, while cultivating consistent effort and presence in relationships that allow you to speak up for what you want, and model for you that your needs, choices or desires are not the cause of another person’s emotional distress.

As you transform into a deepening version of The Self-Leader, you’ll begin to channel your innate joy and imagination into enthusiasm for going after your own fulfillment, using your unique gifts, needs and preferences to build your own meaningful life, rather than distracted in passively pursuing or following anyone else’s in order to avoid feeling like the cause of any of their lack of fulfillment or joy.

This journey enables you to shift into profound alignment with what delights you, embracing the worth of your own big desires and impacting others through modeling what it is to lead yourself to live a pleasure & need-filled life.

The Self-Leader embodies a profound journey of The People-Pleaser to a place of self-discerning leadership.

In the codependent phase, you may find yourself erasing your own inner knowing and needs to over-focus on others and avoid causing them (and yourself) emotion discomfort. Unfortunelty, in that process, you may end up isolating yourself from experiencing all the aspects of true connection that arise on the other side of boundaries and communicated conflict - which includes both intimacy and trust.

When defaulting into the People-Pleaser, you may often, unknowingly or compulsively, relinquish the leadership and direction of your own life (or simply daily happenings), allowing others to dictate your decisions and experiences. This self-abdication can manifest into a passive yet stressful and anxiety-inducing existence, where your personal fulfillment, wellbeing and direction is sacrificed at the altar of external harmony and validation.

The People-Pleaser is a learned archetype that exists in the mind, body, heart and spirit. While you will have your own unique history and experiences that “taught” you this relational safety strategy, it most likely included having your desires, preferences, choices and presence treated like it was the cause of explosive conflict or emotional discomfort in a caregiver or early relationship of some kind. You may have learned to stay safe inside yourself to avoid that - and began quieting anything that might create tension.

As the People-pleaser, you may have learned to defer to what kept that person or people calm. Obedience to this forced and false responsibility over someone else’s emotional disharmony came at the price of getting to have your full existence manifested into your daily reality. In this way, disappearing into yourself felt safer than showing up externally in your disappointment, anger, choices and feelings.

The reward for adhering to The People-Pleaser archetype? Getting to stay “a part of” (and maintain the harmony of) the family, the friend group, the co-worker community, the romantic relationship.

Transformation into The Self-Leader occurs when you move towards developing a consistent, day to day practice of self-leading based on your own needs/enjoyment, while building distress tolerance and secureness to navigating life and relationships based on your own innate discernment and speaking up for / upholding what you need and think, despite how it emotionally impacts others.

Instead of merging with someone else’s preferences, desires and plans, you learn to recognize and prioritize your own fulfillment of your needs and joy, in small and big ways, and learn to hold yourself when it doesn’t please others. By shifting your attention inward and nurturing your own right to fully exist in the world and in your relationships, The Self Leader transcends this conditioned safety pattern of self-erasure.

Instead, you begin to alchemize your fear into empowered self-leadership, actively engaging with your life and the relational experiences going on around you, even when they are tense or difficult - rather than retreating inward from them.

Daily practices that reinvigorate your clarification of what you want, and small, deliberate steps toward establishing the dreams and needs for yourself that you’ve been invisibly holding out on, become a crucial pathway to your evolution.